DEATH: A PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
I recently lost my grandmother. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer on 21st December and died on 2nd February due to a septic shock followed by heart failure. In my last article, I had written how we should see death as a happy ending to all the sufferings and that it is inevitable, but when you literally see a dear one die, all the practicality will not matter. All you would see is the flashbacks of all happy and sad moments that you have had with the deceased person. Even the instances when you had fought with them will come before your eyes and you would be in tears. To be honest, I did not have the perfect relationship with my grandmother. We used to have small arguments on various things throughout our life, but the moment her dead body entered into the house, my tears were incontrollable. The living, cheerful face that I was used to seeing was a dead, blank face with cotton in the nose and mouth. We had to go to the cemetery for the last rites. We put her down in front of entrance of the electric burner and then had to burn her toe for some reason. I saw my grandfather’s face who loved her so much and just couldn’t stand there anymore. I ran out passing all the people standing there and started crying again. The pain one feels during such a situation cannot be expressed in words.
The next few moments when we standing there in front of the cemetery, joining hands and all the people coming and giving us their condolences has gone in a blur. Back when we reached home, there were even more people waiting for us. I totally understand their love and concern for us but I feel that so many people coming together did not give us proper time to mourn. My grandfather, dad and uncle had to attend all the guests and tell them the complete story of my grandmother’s end again and again and that according to me would have had such an emotional toll on them as remembering the saddest thing ever happened in our life over and over again definitely makes you even more sad. My mom and aunt had to be in the kitchen all the time preparing snacks and tea for all the people coming and couldn’t get any rest at all and mourn. The next week was the same like that with all of us not getting any sleep or rest. In a way, it was also good that people were coming as then we all didn’t feel that lonely.
The most difficult part for me in this whole thing was seeing my grandfather, dad and uncle cry. It was the first time I had seen them cry. My grandparents were together since almost 50 years and for him seeing her go so suddenly broke him so much.
Now after 2 weeks, it still takes a moment for the fact that she is no more to sink in, but life goes on and ours also has to. It is difficult to get back to normal but we have to for that’s what she would have wanted.
I would really like to thank my entire family and our doctors to stand strong with us during this tough time.
